The Secret to Happiness?
I've often struggled with feeling as if happiness is elusive and out of reach. I've certainly felt happy at times in life, but more often than not that is not the case. That is not to say that I'm not grateful for the life that I have or the many gifts that I experience daily, just that the emotion of happiness is not something that describes my status most of the time.
My struggle with anxiety has a bit to do with this. It's very difficult to feel happy when your brain is stuck in an anxious cycle, constantly wondering what disaster lurks around the next corner. When you're on high alert, most emotions are foreshadowed by fear or worry.
I've been on a healing journey for a few years now and I've learned some tools to manage my stress and anxiety, but I'm far from perfect at it. I still have as many down days as I do good ones... sometimes more. I have accepted that a part of healing is going through the peaks and valleys. Sometimes it will feel like you take one step forward, then four steps back.
That's okay. It's normal. Trust the process.
I tell myself this often, but still wonder:
Is it possible to be happy more often than not?
The Happiest Animal Alive:
I recently started watching Ted Lasso and in an early episode one of the characters is struggling with loneliness and sadness, then they make a mistake on the pitch and are beating themselves up for it. I've been in this self-critical mindset many times in my life. It's so easy when you're feeling blue to also begin criticizing yourself far more than others would and this only feeds the anxiety cycle.
Ted, the main character and football coach, steps up to the player who is sad and asks him:
"Sam, do you know what the happiest animal alive is?"
Sam shakes his head indicating that he doesn't know and Ted continues, "It's a goldfish. You know why?"
"No," Sam replies.
"It's got a 10 second memory. Be a goldfish."
That's the secret to overcoming temporary frustrations or self-criticism. Give yourself a short amount of time, 10 seconds even, to feel the emotion (sadness, frustration, etc.) and then forget it.
Let it go.
Move on.
It's important to note this won't fix all your problems and is not the only answer to chronic issues like depression or anxiety, but it certainly helps.
Yesterday I had a moment where I felt silly for something I said. In the past, I'd freak out about that for a long time, worrying that the other person thought I was dumb (even though I know they likely never thought about it a second time).
In the moments following, I felt embarrassed and then remembered Ted's advice. Be a goldfish.
I smiled, shrugged, and moved on. You know what? I did feel happy afterward. I realized that I have the power to control those thoughts and not the other way around.
And that truth is freeing.