I was listening to an episode of the How I Write podcast earlier and something that the guest, David Sedaris, said really stood out to me. He was talking about where he gets ideas for the stories he writes for the New Yorker and he said something that I’ve been chewing on and experiencing myself for a while now.
Creative people, like anyone, fall on a spectrum. Those who seem to be the most prolific tend to be the ones who can never shut off that part of themselves. They’re always noticing things in real life that would make good art. Those people tend to be the ones who know what they’re interested in and have fully embraced it.
At first this sounds so obvious. Of course the most prolific people have found what they are passionate about and are actively pursuing it. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be prolific, right?
But, the more I chew on this idea… that we all have talents and interests that intersect and by choosing to pursue them, we find our truest selves for that season in life; the more I appreciate those prolific creators for what they were/are.
People who choose to be themselves, regardless of what anyone else might tell them.
In my personal journey it has taken me thirty-eight years to reach the point of being comfortable in my own skin enough to do this… or to attempt to do so, anyway. For far too long I struggled with caring what others think and allowing the fear/shame/anxiety that is bred from it to hold me back. A story that is not uncommon among mankind, especially those of us under forty.
Yet, some people seem to “get it” much sooner, while others never quite do. Actually, one could argue that the majority never fully reach the point in life of true freedom in this regard. Perhaps that’s why prolific people stand out as much as they do.
I will be honest, I struggled with the idea of writing this post, because a part of me is still processing the recent discovery of these things in my own life. I’m certainly no expert on embracing your true self, let alone prolific. However, I believe in learning in public and the power that doing so has for helping us grow.
So, here’s an idea I’ve been wrestling with. Perhaps it will help you on your own journey.
Every person on earth has a unique identity. Throughout early parts of life we often mimic those who we want to be like, because we are attracted to something about their identity. At some point, we begin to realize that who we are deep down inside might reflect parts of those people we tried to imitate, but ultimately is our own blend of talent, interests, dreams, and life experience.
Our job is not to only determine what those things are, but to accept them without judgment. That is where true freedom is found. It’s the place where your shame and fear turns to joy and a path forward.
If we are simply willing to explore that with curiosity and allow the truth to come out, in time it will. For me, that meant many long walks while thinking or chatting with friends until these ideas boiled up to the surface. It also happened during my daily journaling practice. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but at some point, I just suddenly knew. It felt like the propetual light bulb moment, where everything fell into place and it all made sense.
I had a choice, in that moment, to embrace it or ignore it. For a few months I dabbled, but I allowed myself to be distracted by old things I’d been pursuing due to fear of missing out. Then, one particularly anxious day, I had a come to Jesus moment with myself. I knew that I couldn’t keep allowing fear and shame to hold me back from what I knew was my truest self, my calling if you will.
I wrote myself a letter, from the perspective of my truest self to my current self. What came out was a picture of a future version of me that I wanted to come to fruition. I knew the only way that would happen was if I willingly gave up the interests that were holding me back - sucking precious time away from the things I should be focused on.
So that’s what I did. I gave myself permission to let them go. No shame. No guilt. No sunk costs. No pain. Just freedom to be me.
For me, that was embracing that I am a writer. I wrote my story in a previous post, but I accepted that truth and since that day, I’ve written daily and produced far more words than I thought possible. In a single month, more than 70,000 words - a respectable novel length.
Perhaps one day I’ll look back on this time in my life and smile knowing that it was that very moment of embrace and change that led to my reality. One can hope, right?